101 Things Otto Must Not Do
by invader13panda
Summary: Everyone knows Otto is a troublemaker, so what new rules must there be to keep him in line?


**101 things Otto must not do**

1. Shooting someone with a sleeper will not show their X-ray.

2. He may not say Laura is "after me lucky charms" as she is Scottish not Irish.

3. He should never anger Wing before sparring.

4. He knows better than to set off Stink bombs in the girls bathroom (Shnizel )

5. That goes double for Raven's quarters.

6. He should never put black hair dye in Shelby's shampoo.

7. And using the excuse "so you and Wing can have matching ponytails" will only make it worse.

8. He will not under any circumstance tell everyone at H.I.V.E that Raven and Nero are dating.

9. Even if it's true. (And that their child's name would be robin)

10. He cannot steal Francisco's underwear because he has none (he goes commando)

11. He may not steal Nigel's underwear.

12. He may not steal Franz's underwear.

13. He may defiantly not steal Raven's underwear.

14. And he will NEVER under ANY circumstances hang the aforementioned underwear in the Grappler Canyon. (even if Francisco would give him money for Franz's)

15. Or anywhere else for that matter. (Including Nero's office, even if it needs decorating)

16. He may not teach H.I. to be a DJ.

17. Or a matchmaker.

18. Or terminator.

19. He must remember H.I. is an artificial intelligence, not his personal slave.

20. He must not touch the big red button on Nero's desk... EVER

21. And stroking said button and then "accidently" pressing it is not an excuse

22. Sending Franz applications for English speech class is mean.

23. Even if he needs them.

24. Never give Wing coffee. EVER

25. Recreating Violet is NOT acceptable.

26. And saying that it was supposed to "deal with the pest problem/first years" is stupid.

27. Don't taunt Raven. PERIOD.

28. Don't take Shelby's lock-picking keys.

29. And don't try to hide them in Wing's hair (it doesn't work).

30. Do not bring catnip to stealth and evasion class.

31. And never hide said catnip in Nigel's back pocket.

32. Or Wing's back-pocket.

33. Or Shelby's back-pocket.

34. He will not rig Mrs. Leon's Collar to sing "cool for cats".

35. Or the meow mix theme song.

36. He will not dress up as overlord

37. Or cypher

38. And never raven. EVER

39. He may never call wing "grasshopper"

40. Or "spawn of cypher"

41. Or the "karate kid"

42. He should never call Shelby the "wreath". (Especially during Christmas time)

43. He will not call block and tackle Twiddle Dee and Twiddle Dumb.

44. Or dumb and dumber

45. Shelby is not legally blond.

46. Nor is she Hanna Montana

47. Or Britney spears.

48. And suggesting any of the above to her will result in injury.

49. His black-box is not a phone, therefore texting is a no-no

50. He may not modify any of the sleepers to shoot backwards.

51. Or rig them to shoot Jell-O, whipped cream or anything else for that matter.

52. He may not grow drugs or other poisonous plants.

53. And using the excuse "they are for my hydroponics project" is not a valid argument.

54. Mrs. Leon does not want a flea collar for Christmas.

55. He will not wear a ninja suit to stealth and evasion class.

56. Nor Camo (camouflage)

57. He may not write in computer language no matter how easy it may be for him.

58. He may never tie-dye Nero's suits.

59. Nor will he bedazzle them.

60. Nero is not his "sugar daddy"

61. Nor is he "bringing sexy back"

62. And broadcasting either of these over the intercom is wrong.

63. Reciting the poem "Roses are red, violet was evil..." in front of Nigel is mean.

64. Wing is ticklish, but Wing will get him back tenfold.

65. He knows the only proper response to Shelby's question "does this make my butt look fat" is "NO!"

66. He may not paint the Shrouds pink.

67. Or glittery.

68. He is not Luke Skywalker, and his dad is not Darth Vader(no matter how much Number 1 had resembled him)

69. He will not taunt the henchman stream, no matter how easy it may be.

70. He knows not to say that the political/financial stream are "wannabe alphas"

71. He must not put pink dye in with the Technical stream's wash, they are teased enough already.

72. Making any references to Garfield in Mrs. Leon's class is stupid.

73. That goes double for the Cheshire cat.

74. Any resemblance between Elvis and Prof. Nero is completely coincidental.

75. And suggesting it aloud is idiotic.

76. Raven is not Cat woman

77. Or Trinity (from the matrix)

78. And she is defiantly not one of Charlie's Angels

79. And suggesting any of those aloud is SUICIDE.

80. It is a BAD idea to tell Colonel Francisco he takes himself too seriously.

81. It's even WORSE to tell Raven she takes himself too seriously.

82. Professor Pike is not Einstein, even if they look the same.

83. And suggesting such only inflates his ego, and when that happens, things explode.

84. Starting a betting pool on the fate of this year's Chief of Security is tasteless and tacky, not a clever money-making concept.

85. Pietor Furan is not one of the knights who say "NI".

86. Nor is he Arnold Schwarzenegger

87. And telling raven is not a good idea. (especially if she dies laughing)

88. Telling Franz that "silent death" is a type of fart is unkind (but still funny).

89. He will not call Franz an Oompa Loompa no matter how much he looks like one.

90. And he will not call Franz's dad Willy Wonka, even if he owns a chocolate company.

91. He cannot bribe Mrs. Leon with catnip.

92. Or Balls of yarn and doing so will get him nowhere.

93. Suggesting that Shelby is nothing more than a "glorified ballerina" when she flips around in stealth and evasion class will result in physical pain.

94. Telling Wing dirty things and leaving Shelby to explain them will never end well.

95. The Contessa is not lady gaga, Even if her hair is epic.

96. He may not start a "daddy issues" club and invite Nigel and Wing.

97. Penny is not Katy Perry, nor is she Nikki M.

98. Even though all of Professor Pike's experiments fail, he may not sabotage them beforehand.

99. Ms. Gonzales does not grow any drugs

100. And spreading rumors that she is starting a drug cartel are uncalled for.

101. Wearing black contacts and walking around H.I.V.E. like he has Animus WILL get him shot.

* * *

**I challenge you all to come up with more! Message me a new thing/rule and I might collect them and post them up here.**


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